Funeral Etiquette:101

Doris DayThis was a tongue-in-cheek post I did a few years ago, but it still applies.  It refers to something we call “Situational Awareness.”

I’ve got my grumpy pants on today.  I attended the funeral of a friend from church this morning.  It was a beautiful service, so lovingly prepared by her family.  The only thing that dampened it was the couple behind me.  They were oblivious to their actions, but I felt nonetheless compelled to vent in this segment — Funeral Etiquette:101

If You’re Going to Whisper — Practice At Home:

Some people are not good whisperers.   As we were all enjoying the musical styling of the organist before the service started, the gentleman behind me asked his wife “is that music piped in on a tape, or is it live?”  She answered him back just as loudly that it was indeed live.  Then he said back, “I guess he doesn’t know how to play softly.”

Get All Your Supplies Out Before the Preacherman Starts the Service:

I don’t care how quietly you think you are doing it, no mint wrapper has ever been acquired from the depths of a handbag without making it sound like the Walls of Jericho are coming down.  Get tissues, mints, hand lotion, etc…out and on the pew seat before the service.  And, please, it goes without saying…silence your cell phone.  I don’t want to hear the theme from The Munsters during the service.

Don’t Open Your Purse During a Prayer:

You know how you used to watch the bell five minutes before class ends and start gathering your TrapperKeeper and the teacher would get all mad and say, “we still have class time remaining students.  Wait till the bell rings.”  Well, the same principle applies here.  As the preacherman is saying his parting words with total silence in the sanctuary, please don’t fold up your program, open up your purse, reorganize the contents and place your program inside.

Don’t They Look Sad:

As the family is processing out, please don’t say out loud anything about them unless it’s positive.  Say things like “She was Miss America 1964” or “He used to grill the meanest steaks.” Please don’t say something along the lines of “waterproof mascara would have helped her to not look so sad today.”

I wish I could be the kind of person that can tune out my surroundings, but I can’t seem to do it.  Maybe God’s trying to tell me to chill.  Or, He’s giving me blog material.  Either way, don’t cross me at funerals.  Amen.

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